Is it worth it? PDF Print E-mail
News - Final Word
Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:38
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By the time you read this, chances are that the majority of your carefully constructed resolves for the new year had flown the coop. I say let them fly – along with the whole caboodle of unnecessary mindsets we’ve all been clinging to.

After all, weren’t we the ones to survive the end of the world last year? Then letting go of stuff should be a doddle, shouldn’t it? Madisyn Taylor says that letting go in any area of life requires a deep trust in the overall meaning and purpose of existence. It’s akin to believing that, no matter what happens, we should stop calling it either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, and simply embrace it as what’s-happening-now.

That’s why, this year, I’m going to try to give up on the need for judgement, control, criticism and the need to always be right. Okay, yes – I might struggle a bit with this in work situations, but it’s totally what I’m aiming for in personal relationships.

According to Gina Lake’s course, ‘How to Create a More Loving Relationship’, you should simply notice when judgemental thoughts arise in your mind, accept that they are there, and then choose not to dwell on them or give voice to them.

Yes, I know! There are so many reasons why judgements are difficult to ignore. Because they come up in your mind, you assume that your judgements are meaningful interpretations of ‘your truth’. Actually, girlfriend, they come from a petty and unwise part of yourself.

Yes, brace yourself for this: Gina says that judgements give us a sense of being right and being superior to someone else. And, boy, does this superiority and self-righteousness feel good to the ego! It feels so good that you continue even when you see that judging and criticising is not getting you what you want in your relationships.

What is it that we think our judgement and criticism will achieve? To change someone or something? Well, people or situations rarely change because they are judged.

We find it difficult to ignore the judgements we form because most of us are not that aware of what is going on in our minds. We just plainly accept the steam train of thoughts that run through our minds and act on them or speak them without questioning them first.

Involuntary thoughts might seem like your own voice, but it is what Eckhart Tolle calls mere mental chatter. It definitely isn’t using your brain in any meaningful way. That is why it is such a powerful practice to observe your thoughts – it helps you to understand that you are not the constant cerebral prattling that forms the background of your days. You are the one which observes the prattling. This is the first step to taking back control of your mind, which is in any case supposed to be your tool, not your master.

Gina says that you have the power to choose not to judge and criticise, and when you make that choice, it is possible to get in touch with who you really are. Your judgements don’t serve your relationships, but only obscure and undermine the love, wisdom and happiness that are possible. It’s way too high a price to be paying, don’t you think?

Next time you feel the need to judge, examine the fears, beliefs, expectations and demands behind that judgement. According to Gina, every judgement is a disguised ‘should’ or ‘should not’. What ‘should’ or ‘should not’ are you imposing on those around you?

Are there feelings that accompany your judgements? Just let them be without doing anything with them. The more you practice this, the weaker these judgements and feelings will become. What empowers them is acting them out. Don’t fight them or push them away; just allow them to come and go.

Look carefully at any resistance you may have to doing this. What are you afraid will happen if you give up judging and criticising? Are you afraid that you will not be in control? Is it your way of proving that you are an individual? What are you getting out of breaking down someone else in your own mind?
Is it worth it?

 

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