Walking through doorways Print E-mail
News - Final Word
Sunday, 25 August 2013 19:24
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Ever entered a room and realised that you don’t have the foggiest inkling of what you went to do there?
If this is a familiar feeling, then you will know exactly how to remember why you went into the room in the first place. You simply retrace your steps and go back to the room you came from. Voila! Memory magically returns.

In psychology and psychiatry the fact that walking-through-doorways-causes-forgetting is explained with the term ‘event model’. They say it is part of the brain’s efficient way of marking the end of activities so that it can move on to the next task. Apparently our brains use passing-through-a-doorway as a cue – a location updating effect – to create an event model which helps to separate tasks in our minds.

The great thing is that, once you know this, you can use it to your advantage by deliberately setting up an event model to get rid of niggling thoughts. Life coaches use this model to help people move away from fear towards their dreams.

Many of us find it difficult to move through this virtual doorway towards our own dream, because we say we have obligations to others. Author Ida Lawrence puts it this way: Obligations are placed upon you by others. Responsibility is placed upon you by yourself. You are responsible, but chances are you’re not really obligated except by guilt and the need of approval.

She says that you should ask yourself: The change I need to make  . . . is it harmful to myself or others? Nope, not challenging to your emotions or harmful to their opinions. Actually harmful. If not, your loved ones can handle it . . . or not. They are responsible for themselves.

Author Neale Donald Walsch writes that you should step into your choices and stop telling yourself that you can't, when what you really mean is that you don't want other people to feel the way you think they are going to feel when they see you making the choices you really want to make.

Neale says that you should never do something because you think other people need you. They don’t. Sure, they could use your help or might want it, but the assumption that they are powerless without you is inaccurate. You are not ‘supposed’ to do anything. That only builds resentment. You could choose to do something, though.

“Do whatever you do as a means of deciding, declaring, creating, and experiencing who you are and who you choose to be. Then you will never feel victimised, powerless, or without choice,” he says.

Simply sit down and ask yourself what you would love – to be, to do, to have. Then notice the thoughts coming up why you couldn’t or shouldn’t do just that. It’s because we ask the wrong question. We ask: Am I worthy of it? The right question would be whether that-which-you’d-love-to-do is worthy of you.

Sad fact is that you’ll never be able to create a life that is out of harmony with what you really believe about yourself. We’re so hemmed in by fears – of others’ opinions about us, about our own limitations – that we end up designing a life not to fulfil a dream, but to make sure we’re never put in situations that will make our worst fears come true.

Life coach Guy Finley says that you “may be able to protect the things that you fear losing, whatever their nature, but the real cost of any action undertaken for the sake of fear is that, in the end, it is a fearful nature you have been moved to protect . . . which means fear wins, and you lose.”

Fear is like being invited to a complete stranger’s party to celebrate the life of someone you've never met, when you had other plans, says Mike Dooley.

“Should you choose to attend, however irrational it may surely seem, upon presenting your invitation at the gate you'd notice that it was in your own handwriting. Then you'd be warmly greeted by the most wonderful, familiar faces – everyone so excited, like you, because, it turns out, you're about to meet the person you've always dreamed you'd one day become.”

Surprise! You walked through the right doorway and suddenly remembered who you really are.


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